Category Archives: Just For Fun

Canine Confusion

I believe that we all have an odd or unusual thought cross our mind once in a while. At least I hope this is the case as I wouldn’t want to be alone in this.  You have had this occur also?  I must say that is a bit of a relief.  Well, the thought I am going to share with you is perhaps a bit silly.  However, we need a bit of  “silly” in our lives from time to time which is why I decided to have some fun with my slightly peculiar thought.  I appreciate your indulgence here.  I hope it brings a smile to you!

If I were a dog, what breed would best suit me?  An odd question but an interesting concept to say the least.  At first thought, I picture myself as some noble breed, say a Doberman Pinscher.  Yeah, that’s the one.  A Doberman, sleek and tall with intelligent eyes, ever alert and ever ready.  Yes, that’s me alright.  But wait!  Perhaps I am more like a German Shepherd who is much like the Doberman.  Intelligent, watchful and very loyal.  Of course, the shepherd has a lot of fur and I would have no aversion to an abundance of hair follicles.  So, I would be a German Shepherd.  I am certain of this…..I think.

However, there is the Collie.  You know, Lassie who is always loyal and true and is always saving little Timmy from some sort of disaster.  A true canine hero if there ever was one!  Except, of course, for Rin-Tin-Tin.  He was a German Shepherd.  So, now I am back to that breed again.  Hmmmmmmm……..you know, after thinking about it for a while, I’ve figured out something.  The canine hero types have a lot expected of them, always saving someone from one thing or another.  Who needs all the pressure, you know?

So, if I am not the hero type (although I am very loyal), then what breed of dog am I most like?  I cannot be a hunting dog or any sort of retriever because I do not hunt and believe it wrong to do so.  Although, cocker spaniels are no longer used for hunting and are more of a household dog now.  They are extremely loyal as well as affectionate and they’re really good with kids.  Now, that could be a breed that would suit me for I am all of that and more.  Yep, that’s me alright.  A taffy colored cocker spaniel…….that is unless I’m more like one of those dogs with the long fur, an Afghan hound I believe they are called.  But if I be an Afghan hound, then we’re back to that whole hair thing again.  So, leave us not go there.

Of course, I could be one of those Chinese dogs……a Sharpe’ or something like that.  Oh, wait just a minute here!  Time out!  They have that whole pudgy, wrinkly thing going’ on.  I certainly don’t need any of that.  Of this, I am sure!  And I know I am not cut out to be a poodle.  Could you imagine me as a poodle??  No!!  I shudder at the very thought.

You know, I had figured this to be an easy subject to cover, this odd query of mine.  On the contrary, it has proven itself to be quite difficult indeed!  Let us see here.  I could be a Daschund…..no, too built too low to the ground.  I mean, at the risk of sounding indelicate, how do they go to the bathroom anyway??  Ummmmm….How about a big old St. Bernard?  Well, maybe not since they have to go out in the cold and rescue people.  The way I see it, that’s a double negative.  Not only do you have to do the hero thing but you have to do it in sub-zero temperatures.  Thanks just the same, but no.

Sooooo…..What about being a Boxer?  Say, that’s not bad, not bad at all.  I could learn to deal with the whole pushed-in face thing, I suppose.  And Boxers are tough.  No one messes with them, right?  But that raises another issue.  A Rocky Balboa kinda guy I’m not.  Plus, it goes back to the whole image thing, you know?  Who needs the added stress?  Not this kid, that’s for sure.  However, I still have not determined what breed of dog I would be, if I were indeed such an animal.  Being a chihuahua is out for two reasons.  They are small and they are annoying.  And I am not small.  Annoying at times?  Yes.  Small, no.

I suppose I could be an Elkhound but that poor fellow has got to be confused.  Am I a dog or a deer?  Whew, talk about a complex!  So, that’s not a good choice either.  I really am in a quandary here.  What to do, what to be…….Hey! I do believe I’ve hit on the perfect type of dog, one that would suit me the best.  I am sure you’ve heard of this infamous breed before.  It’s called “Heinz 57”, also known as mixed or affectionately called a “mutt”.  Well, maybe we’ll leave the “mutt” part out.  However, this is the perfect blend of breeds, as it were.  I would have the courage of Lassie, the sharp senses and strength of Rin-Tin-Tin, the affection and loyalty of a Cocker Spaniel and the intelligence of a Doberman Pinscher.  And of course, being a “Heinz 57”, I would have other innumerable good qualities as well.  It would be, as they say, the best of all worlds.

Well my good friends, I trust that this will suffice as a suitable answer to the question I posed here this evening.  I thank you for your patience as this subject has certainly tested mine!!

Authored by William J. Thompson, Jr.

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