Dearest reader, my post this evening is of a different sort as you will see. There are many out in our world who are alone and living in a quiet pain, a pain of the worst sort imaginable. They are alone in their heart and alone in their Life. And loneliness bares its cold soul in a number of ways. One cannot truly know the empty pain of loneliness until one has been truly alone. It is a thing I would wish upon no one for those afflicted become broken within. I will tell you my friend, that I was hesitant to present this for the subject makes many uncomfortable. But it is also important for we all know someone who is indeed alone. I would implore you to reach out to hearts that are burdened so. Please do! What follows here is an attempt to show you one of the faces of this Life stealing disease. And there are many more, believe me. I chose to describe this “face of loneliness” because for one to paint an accurate picture, one needs to be familiar with the colors being used. I have lived this particular “face”, if you will. I gave more than just a passing thought to writing this for it is a closed-door for me now. There are always parts of our past we do not wish to recollect. To do so can often cause one to relive certain things, yes? This was not easily entreated by my heart, to be sure. In the same moment, too many suffer lonely hearts and empty spirits today. This requires the attention of us all which is why I put myself aside for a bit of time and took a look at what lay beyond that closed-door in my heart. And yes, tears were shed as these memories again ravaged my spirit and held hostage my mind. For I found my letter towards love from not so long ago………….
Oh Lord, my heart is so tired and alone it seems. I know You are with me, that You reside in my heart. And for this, I truly give thanks. But so often, my heart aches and yearns for a special someone with which to share my Life. I have much to give for You have given much to me. And for this, I also give much thanks. I know you are my Source and the Supplier of my Life. That is why I feel almost traitorous when I say that I wish for and need something more. I long to be touched and to touch another in return. My soul cries out for this to be so. I do not speak of simple lust. In this world, that could be easily remedied, were I to choose that road. That type of behavior does not lie within me. I speak rather of a physical contact where true love is at its core, where hearts and spirits are shared and become as one. This is my desire, one born of a season too long empty and dry. My soul is often tortured for the lack of the Life-giving waters of a love freely given.
The vessel that is my heart ran aground long ago and seems to be buried now in the sands of loneliness. Our hearts, our spirits were designed to sail upon Love’s ocean, unfettered and with Hope reflecting upon the horizon. It is how our soul is sustained. I fear love will not again find me on this desert island which goes unseen day upon day upon lonely day. It seems there is no escaping the dark soul that is this place for I have tried and often. The strength within my spirit and my soul is diminishing so my attempts to escape are not as frequent these days. Prudence whispers quietly that I must conserve what is left in hopes of a rescue. This idea seems real enough still. So I wait. Even as Life’s light begins to dim, I wait. And I hope.
My Lord Jesus, what is to become of me?? What of my heart and its need for love?? It is You who placed these needs, these desires within me. Why do You turn Your Face from me now? It is more than I can bear, this void that steals away my Life. I do not fear Death. There are days when I would bid Death welcome, if only this pain would die with me. What I do fear is this existence which seems to have wrapped tightly its cold, unfeeling arms around me, slowly breaking my heart. Life’s breath eludes me so often now and the Spirit that indwells me is malnourished, the result of my diminished capacity to breathe. The world becomes dark as does my tired heart which seems to beat ever slower with each passing day. Even still, I wait. And I hope.
Do not leave me here, I pray thee, My Lord. I have not yet given up hope that the fire I keep alive on Desolation’s shore will be noticed by one who is also looking to be touched in Love. Should this come about, I would without hesitation attempt to swim out beyond the breakers that best me, unmindful of the dangers lurking below. It would be better to die in a valiant effort to reach Love’s touch than to continue this pain of isolation.
I should tell you, Lord that I am not and would not consider violating the gift of Life You have so freely given unto me. Life is a sacred thing, a living thing and for me to cut short that gift is blasphemous, a slap in the face of God and nothing less. I am just so tired now. We were not meant to live solitary lives. To be alone and without love is in direct conflict with the nature in which we were created. There are those who would say they need no one save themselves. I would suggest that perhaps they are deceiving themselves so as to avoid the risk involved when one loves another with their whole heart. Or perhaps they have been blessed with a strength that I do not possess. I do not know that answer and my heart has become tired in the course of my writing this letter to you, my Lord and Creator of my Life. All I do know is that I felt it important to put pen to paper today, the anniversary which celebrates four years almost to the day, the day that I was cast onto this lifeless island where I remain a prisoner.
Lord, I pray that You read these words and attend to my prayers. Please respond as my heart is fading now. I anxiously await Your reply…..
Yours in faith believing,
Anonymous, for You know Your children as by their name……
Author William J. Thompson, Jr.